Now Playing Tracks

Leaked X-Men Origins: Magneto script (summarized by Meg)

As you may know, the script for the once-planned Magneto Origins has been leaked. You can get it here.

It’s like 115 pages long and I don’t have the patience. Luckily my friend Meg actually did read the whole thing! And was super helpful and provided me with these fantastic summaries of it. The short one is funny but the longer one BLOWS MY MIND. Seriously Meg, you win all the awards. Best summaries ever below:

"Here’s the short version: First half = Erik Lensherr makes a complete and utter fucking mess of his life. (Including but is not limited to: causing the deaths of both his wife and daughter. Hunting some Nazis. Then going to see his dying grandmother and realizing he’s all alone)

Second Half = Erik meets Charles  Xavier and they prance around Israel being completely fucking useless. Erik leaves after getting Xavier’s institute blown up and goes to hunt Nazis. He’s failing pretty hard at life until Charles inexplicably shows up to help. Charles frees some mutants for an army and Erik kills the final boss (Kleinmein) with a tree, and the help of the Star of David. And when all is done, they buy some land together and start to build a school.(LOLI CAN’THANDLETHIS) But Erik still doesn’t trust Charles, so he makes his helmet.
The End.”

And now for the unbelievable, utterly fantastic longer version:

"First half = Erik Lensherr makes a complete and utter fucking mess of his life. Indirectly kills his wife/daughter, makes a deal with a sketchy American, who’s probably evil somehow, to hunt Nazis for him, arrests a banker, kills some marines in an embassy by displaying his mutant power to everyone there like an idiot, kills a doctor and scares the shit out of a little kid, kills a Nazi with braces and fails so hard at killing Decker(Kleinmein’s evil parter. Kleinmein is the Shaw of this trainwreck), goes to see his dying grandma and realizes he’s all alone.(my god this story all fucking over the place)

Second half = Meets Charles Xavier playing soccer. I don’t even know. He’s chillin’ in Israel coincidently helping holocaust survivors. Maaaaan all the propaganda in this script even down to the ‘Never again,’ not in reference to him being experimented on because of his powers or his parents being killed, but in reference to him being Jewish. This is X-men, not an Israeli documentary. I can’t handle you.

And then… Erik and Charles(who just met) beat the shit outa some thugs bare handed. ‘Nope, we’re not going to use our powers, we’re going to do this the old fashioned Hollywood way.’ And then they run away laughing from the cops, CHARLES XAVIER EVERYONE.(I can see drinking and womanizing at Oxford, but I think beating people up and running away is just a tad outside of Charles’ ethics) And THEN Erik asks for help and they have a nice little chat referencing religion. AND THEN THEY STOP TWO EGYPTIAN TANKS. AND THEN THEY FINALLY FIND OUT THAT EACH OTHER ARE MUTANTS. Yeah, it took Charles a display to know that. Really? Yup, really. He refuses to use his powers. Beating people up is A-okay, but looking into their mind is atrocious. (What in the fuck is going on, I don’t know either, and I read the damn thing) And now apparently Erik is concerned about being a mutant and not a Jew, and he’s like ‘Charles Charles, the Nazis are making their master race with these mutations! Help me with your awesome mind powers’ And Charles looks into his mind, and now uses his morals and refuses to go Nazi hunting, and Erik is like ‘Fine. Bye Thanks.’ AND GOES TO HIS ROOM TO READ A BIBLE.

Erik gets up in the middle of the night, finds Decker, drives his jeep off a cliff with him in it and in doing that, causes the institute that Xavier’s in (of course he gets out, jeez) to blow the fuck up. “Erik… you’re really awful at this,” Charles says. Okay, no he didn’t, but he fucking should have. And after getting Charles’ institute destroyed, Erik actually leaves to go find his final Nazi boss. Oh, and you know that sketchy American from earlier, yeah he was using Erik the whole time, who effing called that!

Erik proceeds in stealing an army van and finds the American at the zoo. He talks about sharks and betrayal then… Erik lets himself be cuffed but not before unlocking all of the animal cages in the zoo. And then Graves(the American) pissed himself and is eaten. NO BUT THAT’S WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. God fuck this movie. Okay, so Erik and Graves get away from the tigers, get into a car, I really hope that Erik is letting him take him to Kleinmein(Shaw) and is not just a giant tool. It could swing either way really… YOU ATTEMPT TO KIDNAP SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW CAN MANIPULATE METAL AND YOU PUT HIM IN A CAR AND SIT WITH HIM AND DON’T TRANQULIZE HIM WITH THE GUN IN YOUR HANDS. Worst. Villian. Ever. Award, right there.

Welp, needless to say, Erik takes control of the car and they crash, then says “Shouldn’t you sedate me?” Umm really, yes why, yes he should, but he doesn’t. Because at this point, I’m pretty sure Charles has something to do with all of this, I think he’s taken control of Graves. AND HE HAS. He’s in the driver’s seat of the car they just got into, nice to see you actually using your fucking powers Charles.

Erik: “You know I had a plan back there.” You had no fucking plan Lensherr, don’t even.

Charles: “Yes, I believe it was hitting a fire hydrant and waiting for me to rescue you” Charles wins.

They drive towards a farmhouse in the rain. Erik sneaks into the farmhouse while Charles… (who wrote this)… while Charles summons a bunch of deer to cause a car crash outside between two military trunks. I’m not even making this shit up. Erik waltzes into a basement lab with absolutely no metal like an idiot to meet his maker Kleinmein, and these really creepy pair of blond haired twins. Kleinmein laughs as the twins beat the fuck out of Erik and then attempts to tranq him, but OH SNAP. Erik pulls out a Star of David necklace, the only piece of metal in the room. SAVED BY GOD. Though he doesn’t even use it in a practical way, it’s like brass-knuckle Hollywood bullshit. And while Erik is failing at life, Charles is off somewhere killing the shit out of a German scientist. Yup, yup he is. And Charles frees some captive mutants.(beast, Raven and some others) Erik kills the creepy twins, ruins some soldiers’ day by crushing them with a ceiling and meets up with Charles only to leave him AGAIN, to go after Kleinmein who’s driving away.(Apparently have your neck sliced open by a Star of David is not a legit death). Who he kills by sidestepping away from a tree. I’m very serious. No bending the metal in the car and crushing him, no making the gas tank explode, nope. I’m going to hide this tree behind me and make you crash into it. I. Cannot. Even. He walks away in the rain crying to go find Charles.

Ending = Erik and Charles drive away into the midnight air, with their mutant army and hopes of re-building. Then they buy some land together with plans to make a school, Erik states that he’s good at construction. Hur. But then Erik makes a helmet because after all, he still can’t really trust Charles. Skip to present day – Erik and Charles are old while bickering and listening to Senator Kelly give a speech.

END

FUUUUUUCK. This was so painful to read.”

160 notes

  1. magneto-is-awesome reblogged this from spiftynifty
  2. comicstvshows reblogged this from spiftynifty
  3. nieniekoto reblogged this from spiftynifty and added:
    everyone should read this summary oh my fucking god I’m crying
  4. camelliajaponica reblogged this from spiftynifty
  5. fassyforever reblogged this from spiftynifty
  6. strikerostwinner reblogged this from spiftynifty
  7. heerofuckingyuy reblogged this from spiftynifty and added:
    This is beautiful, thank you....original when it...leaked as...
  8. codenamecesare reblogged this from spiftynifty and added:
    think most Tumblr XMFC fen...this a while back...didn’t, do....
  9. donutcookie reblogged this from spiftynifty and added:
    Rivetting. Absolutely Rivetting.
  10. synekdokee reblogged this from spiftynifty
  11. never-enough-sam reblogged this from spiftynifty and added:
    WHOT. I’m glad they never went with this version. -shudder-
  12. neverstopbeingmeta reblogged this from spiftynifty and added:
    THIS IS SO MAGICAL. *CHINHANDS*
  13. lilgreyeyes reblogged this from spiftynifty and added:
    This would have have made excellent crack!fic material. (Also, wasn’t there anissue or an arc somewhere that had Charles...
  14. noropro reblogged this from spiftynifty
  15. nevaehs reblogged this from spiftynifty
  16. quantum-drinks reblogged this from ifyoucantfindafriendmakeone
  17. ussenterpancakes reblogged this from spiftynifty
  18. kaleran reblogged this from spiftynifty
To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union